Winning Rose
by SarahEatsLightning
Summary: 'I opened my eyes and the sunlight burned like an insult to my internal carnage. She didn't want me.' After four years of friendship, something's changing between Scorpius and Rose, but when does the course of love ever run smoothly? 1stFanFic.
1. Waking

**Scorpius**

The darkness was pressing in from all sides of my mind. My fears, my insecurities, my flaws flooding the foreground of my brain, possessing and poisoning everything their twisted fingers could reach. I wanted to gasp for air - to breathe without the weight crushing my chest, restricting my throat, numbing my limbs, but I couldn't. The twisting in my stomach grew more and more painful; I could feel the stinging in my eyes and the unbearable pressure in my heart that caused the most pain of all. Nothing could compare to this; no amount of unforgivable curses, quidditch injuries or backfired spells; this felt too raw to compare to anything. I opened my eyes and the sunlight burned like an insult to my internal carnage. She didn't want me.

_3 ½ months earlier_.

**Rose**

I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as they would go. The daylight was unwelcome at this hour and I wished for it to disappear so that I could be granted just a few more minutes sleep. No such luck. I sighed and squinted at the bright disruption to my dreams. In all truth I liked mornings but last night I couldn't get to sleep, I was far too excited. Today would be the beginning of my fifth year. I rolled away from the bright sunlight seeping in through my window and wondered who had been up so early as to open my curtains before sunrise. I groaned, I should have known. Hugo.

"HUGO! I'm going to kill you!"

I heard some shuffling outside of my bedroom door and proceeded to jump quite cat-like from the sanctuary of my bed towards to the door. I wrenched it open and there stood my little brother. Far from being a bad sister, my brother and I usually got on rather well but at this moment I needed an outlet for my irritation at my lack of sleep. He stood there beaming at me and it surprised me a little.

"Good Morning Rosie!" he said cheerfully, continuing to beam at me.

"Don't you 'Good Morning' me, why did you have to open my curtains? It's..." I paused as I checked my watch for this first time.

"10 O'CLOCK!" I screeched hurtling back to my bedroom, flinging my arms in the air in horror.

10 o-bloody-clock. I was going to miss the train for sure, I knew it. My panic threw me into a whirlwind of action. I threw everything my hands could reach into the trunk next to my wardrobe not caring if it ended up creased or broken.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME HUGO?" I screamed at him, knowing full well that it wasn't his fault, but nonetheless needing to scream at someone.

"Because you're a grumpy witch in the morning Sis, so I went for the safer approach of letting the sun do it." He snickered watching the scene of distress before him with apparent amusement.

"I AM NOT GRUMPY HUGO! I am LATE!" I shrieked, probably alerting everyone within a mile radius to my current condition.

"Well I only came to tell you that Mum says breakfast's ready and your clean clothes are downstairs along with your wand." He said as he began to make his way to the stairs.

I grabbed the first outfit I could put together, but it happened to be just fine; my favourite jeans and purple t-shirt from the bottom of my wardrobe. I yanked my hair up into a ponytail and nearly despaired at it's unwillingness to co-operate. I'd inherited my Mums hair you see, a tangle of chocolate curls on a good day, a bird's nest of frizz on a bad. Today was bad. I did the best I could and dashed out my room and down towards the kitchen.

After seating myself at the table I wolfed down the bacon sandwich in my place and gulped down the glass of orange juice in one. Barely having enough time to swallow, I yelled a quick 'thanks' at the back of my Mothers head and darted upstairs again to finish packing the mess that would be my life until Christmas.

Half an hour later and I was bouncing up and down on my seat in the car, barely able to contain my nerves. What would happen if the train left before I got there? Would it wait for me? Would I be stuck at home with my parents all year, unable to get to school?

"What happens if we miss the train?" I asked the car in general, only partly aware that I was voicing my concerns aloud.

"Don't worry sweetheart, you won't." Soothed my Mother, but I was too anxious.

"But what if I do?" I questioned again. I heard my Father give a chuckle at my concern.

"This isn't funny Dad! I'm being serious, what'll happen?" I could feel my stomach tying itself in knots already.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. We're nearly there now, don't panic. 2 minutes and you can be on the train and you'll be fine." He said as he looked at my in the rear-view mirror, clearly hoping that he was calming me. He wasn't. I started twisting my hands on my lap and scanning the streets we passed for some sign that we were approaching the train station.

Two minutes felt like eternity to me, especially today. How would it look if a newly appointed Prefect missed the Hogwarts Express? They might even take my badge away. I gulped. Thankfully I saw the sign for Kings Cross Station ahead and I nearly wrenched my seatbelt off. My brother seemed to know I wasn't in the best of moods so fortunately he was staying quiet for the time being, maybe even finding my panic funny, which would be so like him.

I tugged open the car door, practically sprinting towards the luggage trolleys. When everything was loaded, which took considerably longer that usual as Hugo had decided that now was the time to start being a nuisance, I was jogging towards the brick wall between platforms 9 and 10. I felt a release in tension as soon as I'd passed through the barrier. Seeing other students still on the platform and the train still there caused me to sigh in relief.

Maybe this year really would be a good one.


	2. Realizing

_Hey. Sorry, quick note to say this is my first FanFic__:)__and I'd really like to know what you think, even if it is to point out grammar/spelling mistakes 'cause I HATE those__ D:  
I know my chapters are relatively short but I'm going to try to make them longer from now on okay? (: _

_Anyway, please please please tell me if I should continue? Thanks. _

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Scorpius**

Hogwarts is like a second home to me, it has been for four years now and I can't wait for my fifth. I'm a Prefect! I wanted to owl Rose and tell her straight away but I knew she'd be busy stressing about the coming year and dealing with her family, so I left it. I was scared too though; I didn't want to be a Prefect without her. Rose Weasley is my best friend to the eyes of the world and her, but not to me. To me she is so much more. Rose is my everything, or so it feels that way. I love her.

Who would have guessed it? The Malfoy and the Weasley. Not our parents anyway, i'm pretty sure of that. Rose stayed at mine for a long weekend near the beginning of the summer and to say our parents were shocked at our friendship would be an understatement. I'm sure her Dad turned about three different colours when we asked him if it would be okay for her to stay at Malfoy Manor. I had never been so scared before in my life; I honestly thought he was going to curse me, but he didn't. I loved having Rose around, she made everything seem less grey and dull, like she was somehow carrying around the spectrum of colours with her wherever she went. That long weekend was the best part of my summer.

We stayed up past 2AM telling stupid stories and eating enough to feed an army, we played Quidditch in the grounds, we played tricks on the house elves and she even managed to win a debate against my Dad. Let me tell you, that's not easy or pleasant – but she did it. I didn't realise it until she left. I didn't want to say goodbye, even for a short amount of time. I wanted Rose by my side always, to make me laugh, smile, think and even cry sometimes. (From laughter of course, my father says a Malfoy is not to lose emotional composure in front of anyone.) I hugged her goodbye and watched sadly as she walked into the green flames of the fireplace. The pain in my chest felt unbearable, like I was watching part of myself leave with her, in truth I think I was. I wanted nothing more than to grab her arm and tell her to stay, but i couldn't. I stayed rooted to the spot, the pain I'd never felt before ripping through me. I couldn't comprehend the reason behind it, not at first anyway.

I went straight back to my room and sat down on my bed. I let my torso fall back onto the mattress and stared up into the canopy of my four-poster. I don't know how long I lay there thinking. It must have been hours because when Winkle came in to alert me to dinner the sun had gone. I felt like my sun had gone too. The girl who made everything bearable, who brightened up the darkest places, who made everything we did an adventure. I felt a wave of loneliness wash over me as I realised I'd be having dinner alone, my parents wouldn't be back for a few hours yet.

Sometimes I hated being an only child. I hated the lack of company, the isolation from anyone my age but most of all I hated being in this house alone. Everything felt ten times darker without Rose. I'd never felt this way before. Sure, every summer I missed my best friend, but never like this. I felt I couldn't function properly without her near me. It was a horrible feeling in my stomach of uselessness almost like nothing mattered now that she wasn't here. I ate dinner in silence.

My summer dragged past. It was highlighted occasionally by the arrival of letters from my Rose. I don't even know when I started to refer to her as that. My Rose. It confused me even more. She was my best friend wasn't she? But was that it? Was that all I felt for her? The words didn't seem right. Best friend. For some reason now they didn't seem enough. I wanted more than that; I wanted her to be mine completely, more than my best friend, my Rose. It took me long enough to figure out but it was a simple thing. I was in love with my best friend.

When I say simple, I do not mean simple in terms of achievement. No it would be unlikely that she would feel the same, damn near impossible. Or was it? No. I was letting my mind get out of hand. She saw only friendship, of that I was sure. A pain in my chest grew at that thought, like someone was pushing me underwater. She saw only friendship.

I couldn't let this stop me; no I needed to know for sure without ruining our friendship. There had to be tonnes of ways to find out how she felt about me without saying too much, without ruining anything. I was to devote my time to find them and implement them. That was how I spent the last two days of summer, planning my actions.

Now I'm sat on the Hogwarts Express waiting for the very girl that plagued my dreams to find me. I heard the door slide and in stepped my friends chattering loudly about their summers. Albus, Peter, Rose, Hannah, Elizabeth, Tristan and Paige walked in, sitting down on either side of the compartment. Albus, Peter and Tristan instantly enveloped me into their conversation. Quidditch naturally. But I can't seem to find the same engagement in the conversation I normally would have. Rose sits next to me, nudging me in the arm and smiling. I grin back at her and turn back to face the boys before she can see just what her smile is doing to me. I feel like every knot and weight in my body that have rested there all summer have lifted. I can feel the heat radiating from her body and her long hair tickling the side of my arm. I resist the urge to turn around and stare at her, knowing just how beautiful she'll look today dressed in something she put on by accident and hair she probably thought was a mess. To me she looked breathtaking.

I tried to turn my mind back to Quidditch with great difficulty, glancing at her reflection in the glass of the window every few minutes. Yes, I was in love with my best friend and this year I had to make her my Rose.

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_Hello, me again__ :)_  
_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know if I should continue with this, I'm new and I'm sorry for being annoying and asking but it would be a great help_  
_Thanks._

_- Sarahh _


	3. Suppressing

_Thank-you for your review, SKLBig210 and for adding this story to your alerts, GilmoreAtHeart74, this is for you._

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Rose**

I can feel the heat radiating from his body. When did I start noticing this? How strange. His perfect blonde hair is messy over his eyes almost covering the dark circles under them but not quite. I wonder what's been disturbing his sleep so much. My hand lifts involuntarily to trace the shapes under his eyes. They seem so etched into his face like they've been there a while. I notice my hand hovering stupidly above my knee and quickly fold my arms over my chest. Out of the corner of my eye I see him giving me a strange look but I ignore it and turn my head slightly away. He caught me, he wasn't fooled. My momentary lapse in concentration must have affected me more than I'd realised, of course he wasn't fooled. It was Scorpius, he caught everything.

I turn quickly to my friends to avoid detection. Hannah and Elizabeth are deep in conversation about this year's Quidditch talent. You might be fooled into thinking they mean flying skills and co-ordination, but they don't. One thing they're majorly interested in is Quidditch players and how many they can date in a year. Normally I'd be included in this conversation. Not the same way as them of course, i'm not quite that vain. They know i'm friends with the majority of the 'Quidditch boys' and they'll be wanting my opinions on them later, for now i'm safe. Paige is sat in the corner by the door. She's reading obviously. Paige has always been the quiet one. It's strange though, she's an only child and you'd think she'd have some of the most to say, Scorpius usually does. I can't fault her for her ambition and determination however, she's adamant about becoming a Healer. She's even reading a book on healing spells as we speak.

Scorpius' arm brushes mine as he leans forward to grab his jacket off the floor. I feel a strange tingly sensation in my arm where we touched, almost like its burning. It doesn't hurt though. It feels like my skin is buzzing with tiny electric currents awakened by his touch. I don't understand. Scorpius is my best friend, why am I feeling like this? I spent some of the summer at his house and it felt nothing like this. What changed? I can feel my brow furrowing and i slowly chew the side of my lip. It's something i do when i'm thinking. I sneak a peak through my hair at him sitting next to me. His eyes flash away. I stare at him for a moment longer. Had he been looking at me? If so why did he look away? I feel my eyebrows pull together even further.

"Don't give yourself a Hernia Rosie." Chuckled Albus from across the compartment.

I feel my eyes grow wide and snap away from Scorpius. I stare at my cousin.

"What?" I asked hoping my tone was laced in innocence.

"Staring at Scorp like you're trying to turn him into a frog, careful you don't give yourself an injury there." He winks at me suggestively and i feel my mouth fall open slightly. It was that obvious? My eyes swivel to Scorpius sat next to me. He just sniggers at Albus and turns back to Tristan and Pete. WHAT WAS THAT? He didn't even look at me! I stare daggers into the back of his head, hoping to God that he doesn't turn around and catch me but I can't help it, i'm irritated. He SNIGGERED. What was that supposed to mean?

What. Am. I. Doing. Since when did I start dissecting his every movement and facial expression? I stand up and go and sit next to Paige, giving Al a dark look as I do. I reach under my seat and pull out my backpack. Rifling through it I find what i'm looking for, 'Hogwarts – A History'. I know exactly what you're thinking. Like mother like daughter, but right now I don't care. I need a distraction. I open the book to the first page and pretend to read. Who was I kidding anyway, distraction from the angel-like boy now sitting diagonal from me, like that was going to work. I look at the jumble of words on the page, staring them down, trying to get them to make sense in my scrambled brain. I manage to push myself through the first paragraph or so before I get distracted again. It's like I have no control over my eyes anymore, they seem to attract to Scorpius no matter where I try and look. I peek above my book at him just as the sun comes out from behind a cloud.

I had no idea such a thing was possible. It was almost like a movie. The sun broke from behind the cloud and hit Scorpius directly, reflecting in his platinum blonde hair, causing his eyes to shine like bright stars from behind the curtain of his hair and he smiled. It couldn't have looked more perfect if it had been planned. He looked like an angel. His eyes closed for a moment and I felt myself wishing he'd open them again so I could look at their beauty again. Pull. Yourself. Together. Rose.

I shove the book into my line of vision, nearly hitting myself in the nose in the process. I don't understand. I don't understand this at all. I close my eyes and take a deep breathe, telling myself that I need to get a grip. I stare intently at the page again and a few more words pop out at me. Nothing holds my interest. I hear a small voice in my head telling me that maybe there's nothing wrong with looking at Scorpius. Other girls do it. Yes but Rose you've never been one of those 'other girls', you've never looked at him with stupid lovesick puppy eyes like them. Until now. I sigh and immediately try to disguise it with a cough. Paige pats me on the back without looking up from her book and I smile at her.

Maybe you just miss him, I told myself. Maybe it's just a growing up thing? Everyone looks slightly different this year, it must be a teenage thing and I just haven't notice it in the others yet. Yes that must be it. I look up from my book around the compartment. Al looks exactly the same as always, probably because I saw him nearly every day this summer. Pete looks like he's gotten taller again, no surprise there. Tristan looks like he's got slightly more muscular, that must have been what Hannah was talking about before on the Platform. I avoid looking at Scorpius. Hannah and Elizabeth and still engrossed in conversation but they barely look any different to last year to me. Maybe more make-up and slightly more girly but that's all. I turn my gaze to Paige, she seems exactly the same to me. So why Scorpius? Why can't I stop myself looking at him? He's my best friend I tell myself over and over like a strange chant. The words don't seem right somehow. I want to say them aloud to see if I'm just being paranoid but I can't without attracting attention.

The little voice comes back in my head. I repress it straight away without a second thought. No. I he can't be more than that. That would be absurd; we've been best friends for years. But the idea stays there, like a seed planted and starting to grow, it won't budge. I look over at my best friend of four years. I look at his tall and lean build, his glittering steel eyes, his angelic face and soft blonde hair. I feel something clicking within myself. I try to stifle it but I can't. Something's changing, or maybe it's already changed? Maybe I've been trying to fool myself for a while now. How completely me that would be, to miss something as huge as this because I didn't open my eyes to it. I lean back into the soft velvet of the seat and stare at the ceiling for a moment. 'What's the point in denying it anymore?' I feel the voice in my head ask, 'You already know it yourself'. But the voice is wrong. There's every point in denying this. There's too much to lose, too much as stake to risk it. I won't risk it. I hear myself sigh again, unaware that I was actually doing it.

You see it now Rose don't you? You're in love with your best friend. It can't ever work and you'll end up with a broken heart. You'll ruin everything. Smooth move.

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_I'll make sure i update again this week, but it probably won't be tomorrow. Writing this is helping me relax quite alot during my exams :)_

_- Sarahh_


	4. Wanting

_Thank-you so much to sparklyshimmer2010, marrou, Zekepay and BelleDilbert for adding this story to their alerts, and to Allya Ride for reviewing aswell - You convinced me to put some effort in and add a new chapter._

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Scorpius**

We were sat opposite each other at the Gryffindor table, as always. Tristan Wood was continuing our earlier discussion about Quidditch with Pete Finnigan next to me, but I didn't feel like contributing. Rose was laughing. She occupied my entire mind. Her and _him_. David McLaggen. I wanted to rip his head off from the moment he sat down next to her. What right did he have to make her smile like that? To make her laugh? That's my job. How dare he think that he can just jump right into her life? I hated the sight of him after a few minutes. I proceeded to glare at him over my goblet but he didn't take his eyes off her.

My chest was throbbing painfully and I felt light-headed, even though I'd just eaten a huge three-course meal. I stared at her eyes, the depth of the blue causing knots in my stomach. I felt like I could see her true self in them, every emotion seemed to flicker through them and it made it so much easier to read her. I stared at her long brunette curls, gently forming arcs around her creamy pale face. I stared at her hand, curled slightly, resting on the table next to her glass and felt a pull in my chest telling me to seize it and never let go. I watched her carefully and noted how her eyes would flicker across the plates on the table to somewhere close to my chest before they'd flash back up to McLaggen. I watched how her smile seemed a little forced and she'd run her other hand across the wood of the table absent-mindedly. It made me feel better. Her lack of attention seemed to lighten the weight in my chest, but the fear and anger I felt didn't evaporate with it.

I spent the rest of the feast stealing glances at her. My mind was still raging a battle between her apparent lack of interest and the fact that she was still talking to him. My Rose was polite, she wouldn't want to hurt his feelings I told myself sternly. It didn't stop a second voice creeping into my head though. Maybe she is interested in him, she's spent the entire feast talking to him and why would she consider your feelings into it? You're just friends remember? He lifted his hand from the table and tenderly moved a curl from in front of her face to behind her ear. She blushed slightly and shuffled in her seat, seeming uncomfortable. Good, I thought, let her be uncomfortable. She let him touch her; she let his actions taint her beautiful face with a blush that shouldn't belong to him. I could barely conceal my jealousy and longed for nothing more than to be able to touch her face and be the one she blushed at. I fixed a cold stare onto my face. She looked up at me and smiled before shifting her expression to one of hurt and shock. I regretted making her feel like that instantly but there was nothing I could do about it, it was the only way I could keep my emotions in check.

"Rose..." I stated coolly, "We have our perfecting duties now" I reminded her.

She seemed startled by my tone and looked at me with a stony expression.

"I didn't forget Scorpius" she said coldly and I hoped to every God that it was only in response to my own hurtful tone. She stalked away from McLaggen without so much as a goodbye and I could barely contain my grin, I gave a quick laugh before carefully turning it into a coughing fit. Al shot me a strange look, one of knowing that told me he knew there was something going on. I flashed him a smile before jogging to catch up with Rose.

I caught her escorting the first years halfway up the first flight of stairs. Half of them turned slightly green as the staircase began to move and many wore expressions of shock, clearly hoping that this was a regular occurrence rather than a strange anomaly that would get them in trouble or hurt. I reached Rose and slowed my pace to match hers, glancing at her. She still seemed mad from my attitude at dinner. I couldn't blame her, I'd been cold towards her for no reason what so ever, it seemed easier to think properly now that I was close to her side and McLaggen was nowhere to be seen. I knew I'd pay for my stupidity later so I tried to be as helpful as I could, assisting stragglers into finding the portrait hole.

After I was sure that I'd found them all, I ducked into the common room. Rose was sat in an armchair in the far corner with the rest of our friends, she didn't look happy at all. By the looks of it, Hannah Gregor and Elizabeth Cross had given up talking to her. I walked towards her swiftly, planning on making my apology as soon as possible and attempting to come up with some reasonable explanation about my actions. I had nothing. I reached the chair she was sat in and cleared my throat when she didn't look up. She still ignored me. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and her eyes shot up to my face, staring at me with irritation.

"I'm sorry about before Rosie; I didn't mean to be like that with you at dinner. I was just thinking about home and stuff and I was letting family stuff get to me, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on you." I mentally praised myself for my quick thinking but it hurt a little to lie to her.

"Oh... that's okay, I'm sorry too Scorp." Her expression softened and she smiled slightly as she looked up at me.

She had no idea what that smile was doing to my insides. I felt like my heart was beating at least twice as hard as normal and my insides all seemed to twist together giving me a slightly nauseous feeling, but it didn't feel bad. On the contrary, it felt amazing; being this close to her after months of separation I felt that I was complete again. I returned her smile, hoping it would tell her everything that I was unable to. Her smile faltered faintly and turned into a look of concern.

"Are you alright Scorp? You don't look yourself tonight." Her eyebrows furrowed slightly like I was a difficult Charms problem and I felt my blood rush to my cheeks.

"Err yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I wanted to slap myself for sounding so stupid but I barely seemed able to remain coherent around her.

"As long as you're sure, I don't want you bailing out on our major Quidditch practise tomorrow," she beamed at me. I felt my own smile grow even wider.

"Ha, like you'd ever let me. You'd have me playing on my deathbed if it was up to you!" I joked, happy that we were finally reaching some form of normality and common conversation. I seated myself on the chair next to hers and leaned in slightly towards her without being able to stop myself. She smelt like flowers and vanilla; it felt homely to me. She continued to smile at me but I could see the question to my actions in her eyes. I immediately rectified myself, sitting properly upright in my chair.

"I wouldn't go that far, but you could definitely use the practise," she joked. Her eyes still seemed to be looking at me full of questions and I wished I was able to give her the answers. I had to prove myself to her first; I had to show her how much I loved her without scaring her off.

"No more so than you, what was the score last time? 270-30 to me, Pete, Meg and Al? I think so." I laughed, never taking my eyes off hers.

"You know I had a cold that day, I wasn't playing at my best." She sulked, pulling a small pout with her mouth. She looked unbelievably cute and I felt my brain getting side-tracked by her lips. I snapped myself out of it just quick enough to respond.

"Yeah whatever Rose. I'm off to bed now; I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" I got up from my chair unwillingly, knowing the longer I stayed there the more tempted I'd be. She nodded and smiled again; I felt my knees go weak but managed to pass it off as a stumble. She really had no idea of the effect she had on me, it was almost unfair. I glanced back at her as I reached the bottom of the staircase. She'd pulled out a book and I couldn't help but smile. That was my Rose, she just didn't know it yet and things were going to be harder than I thought. I stole one last glance before starting to climb the staircase to my dormitory.

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_Thank-you for reading - I have a few ideas for this story now so hopefully it'll speed up a little bit :)_

_- Sarahh_


	5. Hiding

_Hey, thought I'd give you another update this week because i'm feeling generous... tell me what you think because I could really use pointers on my writing :)_

_Oh and thank-you to Momentarily Infinite for reviewing and plainandlittle for also adding this story to their alerts - seeing people do that always makes me want to be a better writer._

_ALSO - to the people who added this story to their alerts - i'm sorry for the amount of e-mails regarding this chapter, i forgot to edit parts of the writing and the format so i had to take it down and replace it again and again - Sorry._

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**Rose**

I watched him walk away towards the boys dormitories with a sad smile on my face. Everything seemed like such an effort between us, a simple conversation felt utterly forced and I hated it. I hated how his being so close to me made me feel like I was on a rollercoaster and I hated how much I wanted him to hold me as I sat there. I hated how much things had changed and how I knew I'd never get them back. I hated how he was utterly clueless to my devotion to him but I knew that it would be the only way to preserve our friendship. I wanted him to know how I felt but at the same time I felt that that would be the biggest mistake I'd ever make. Something told me that once he knew how I felt he wouldn't be able to keep up our friendship and we'd gradually fall apart and I'd lose my best friend forever. I couldn't stand for that.

I leant over the red armchair I was seated in and rummaged in my bag for my book. Reading would naturally get Scorpius off of my mind I hoped. I enveloped myself into the world of magic that held such highly prized knowledge and I felt slightly better. It wasn't enough though, at regular intervals (almost like an annoying alarm clock) Scorpius' face would appear in my thoughts and I'd attempt to banish it unsuccessfully with the charms we would be learning this year. It was like his image had found its way into every thought I possessed. I wasn't complaining of course; looking at Scorp was like looking at a Greek God, or so I had noticed anyway. His long blonde hair that just reached into his eyes was such a pure shade of white and made his face look so mysterious yet adorable at the same time. His face was well defined, creamy pale and flawless. His eyes, his eyes were the things of myth. Such beauty could not possibly be contained in such small features, but somehow with him it was. They were a steely silver but they glinted like glass in the sunlight and held such unimaginable depth that they were almost breath-taking to look at. He was tall and lean; he had muscular arms and a toned chest from playing quidditch, as I'd learned this summer. Quidditch was something we both adored; it was probably drilled into our minds at an early age by our fathers.

I sighed, looking up from my book and into the dancing flames of the fireplace. They seemed so beautiful the way that they spiralled from destructive red into a black nothingness. I placed my book on my lap, being careful to mark my place, and watched the flames cascade around each other. I thought back to the feast. McLaggen had been so interested in talking to me, it felt strange to hold a boys attention other than Scorpius. Not bad strange, just different. He wasn't the most captivating person to talk to but he seemed kind and genuinely pleased to be talking to me. I'd thought it at the time and the thought struck me again, he'd be a good distraction. I'd need something to take my mind of Scorpius, maybe someone would work. I knew it wasn't fair and that I was being horrible but I wouldn't be using him, not really, I did like him. It would be easy to pretend with him, I'd just have to be there and he'd do the talking and I could just forget about Scorpius for a while. Maybe that was all I needed, to just forget for a while. I had to do something; I needed to find some way to save our friendship maybe that could be it.

McLaggen was a year older than me, Elizabeth and Hannah would be proud. He played Quidditch, something we could easily talk about. It would be like having another best friend, only closer. No, not closer, we'd never be as close as Scorp and I. It would just be different, yes, a different kind of best friend. I hated myself for thinking like that, for convincing myself into being with someone. I'd always entered a relationship being sure that we would work and we'd be together forever. Given I'd only had two proper relationships and my naivety had not worn off on either of them, I could hardly consider myself an expert. Scorp had always been there for me when things went wrong. Ahh and there he was in my mind again. Reliable Scorpius, trustworthy Scorpius, kind Scorpius, beautiful Scorpius, caring Scorpius, funny Scorpius, my Scorpius. I mentally slapped myself for the last thought. I could not permit myself to think of him as that. He wasn't mine.

My mind strayed to thoughts of him and another girl, any other girl. My stomach tightened and I felt a lump rise in my throat. He'd never want me and sooner or later he'd find a girl perfect for him, a girl so utterly amazing that they'd be perfectly matched and I'd be left on the sidelines. Why would he need me for a best friend when he found a girl who could be that and so much more? I subconsciously grasped the arms of the velvet chair and gasped for air. I felt like I was drowning, like there was a huge weight on my chest that I couldn't shift. I was extremely grateful that the rest of my house had long since gone to bed whilst I'd been in my haze of thought. No one should see me like this, I was the strong one, I was someone to go to if there was ever a problem, and I was a prefect. I gained control of my physical symptoms but inside I felt like I was being burnt alive. He'd love someone else.

My cheeks felt cool moisture trickle down them and I realised I was crying. I blinked back the tears, willing my brain to stop its physical reactions to my thoughts. Maybe I needed this, maybe this would help me let him go. I doubted my thoughts but I needed something to hang on to, some reasoning behind the pain. Surely I had time to detach myself before he found someone, that would be better than nothing. If I didn't feel so strongly for him maybe the permanent separation wouldn't hurt as much. I let out a short harsh laugh at my stupidity. Of course it would hurt, it would hurt worse than this, a million times worse. I closed my eyes and attempted to control my breathing, finding it more and more difficult to fill my lungs. I longed for Scorpius to be here, to just hug me and hold me and tell me that everything would be just fine and that he'd never let go of me not matter how many other girls came his way, but it wasn't going to happen. I had to be the mature, strong and rational Rose that everyone else knew. I had to be those things for Scorpius as well as myself. I would not let him see me so weak; I would not let him feel pity for me, or even worse guilt. Scorpius was a good person; he did not deserve such feelings of pain. I would not let him feel such pain because of my own stupidity.

I glanced at my reflection in the glass of the window. I looked terrible. I hadn't realised how distraught my expression was and I instantly prayed that no one else had seen it. I wiped my fingers underneath my eyes to remove the mascara streaks and dried my cheeks on my sleeve. My eyes were all puffy and red and I had a small cut on my lip from where I'd been biting it to hold back sobs. I felt pathetic. I hated how truly pathetic I was, crying over a boy that would never be mine. I put my book back in my bag and pulled out my wand, attempting to rectify some of the damage my tears had done to my face. I glanced back into the glass to check my reflection. It wasn't too bad. I smiled slightly but it seemed off, it didn't reach my eyes. I practised again, attempting to make my smile look believable but my attempts all resembled grimaces in the end.

I stuffed my wand back into my bag and tidied where I'd been sitting and around the common room. The first and second years had left an awful mess from what I could only assume had been a game of exploding snap. I quickly removed all charred pieces of card and worked my magic on the scorch marks of the table. It made me smile how the first and second years still hadn't learnt enough magic to hide their own mess. It reminded me of a simpler time and I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. I missed being a child terribly; everything had been so much easier. Growing up had to happen sometime and I felt that it was really inflicting itself upon me now. I was growing up. I cringed slightly at the thought. I'd never liked the thought of growing up but I guess I had no choice. At least now I was doing it with good reason. I finished masking the scorch marks as best I could and turned to get my bag. I pulled it over my shoulder and began to walk over to the girl's staircase. I glanced behind me at the boys identical set of stairs and sighed. I needed a plan.

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_Thanks for reading! I'd love it if you could leave me a review... but no pressure :)_

_- Sarahh_


	6. Wounding

_Thank-you to Shooting Stars 46 and AutumnMania for adding this story to their alerts_ :) _I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but let me know what you think..._

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**Scorpius**

_I held out my hand to her but she just looked at it._

"_Rose...?" I asked, trying to catch her attention. Her head jerked up at the sound of her name, but still she did not look at me. Her head spun around desperately trying to find the source of the sound but I was stood right in front of her. How could she not see me?_

"_Rosie!" I shouted, still extending my arm towards her. She looked even more anxious, her eyes darting wildly around the empty space._

"_Rose I'm here! Look at me!" I called, but my voice seemed off, like it was coming from a great distance. I tried to grasp her arm but my fingertips slid straight through it. It was like she was a ghost and I couldn't touch her._

"_Rose please, you're scaring me now, just look at me Rosie, please." I begged, hating the look of fear on her face._

"_Everything's going to be fine, just look at me Rose, please." I could feel a warm heat on my cheek but I didn't care, I needed her attention, I had to get her attention before it was too late. I had no idea what would happen when it was too late but I didn't want to find out either. She had to look at me; I needed her to see me._

"_Rose, please, you have to look at me! Please, please, please Rosie. You need to look at me... I love you Rose." I pleaded and suddenly her head snapped up to look me in the eyes. She wore an expression of shock on her face and then her face contorted like she was in some kind of pain. I couldn't stand it._

"_ROSE!" I screamed, I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and make everything okay again but I couldn't touch her. I grabbed desperately at her arms, trying to find some way to comfort her._

_She started screaming, a high-pitched blood-curdling scream ripped through her lips and through my heart. It felt painful in my chest and the image wouldn't lift. My Rose, contorted in agony and screaming a cry so full of torture that I couldn't stand it._

"_ROSE! No I need you, don't go!" The image started fading into a distance and I couldn't comprehend what was happening._

"_NO! ROSE!" I shouted, trying desperately to keep some hold on the reality of the situation._

I woke up thrashing in my bed, screaming like a banshee. I opened my eyes as wide as they could go, hoping that it would rid me of the image behind my eyelids. I couldn't get her face, distorted in pure agony, out of my mind. My breathing was erratic and my hands were in fists gripping the sheets of my bed.

I pulled myself into the sitting position and worked on calming my breathing. It was just a nightmare, she's fine. She's fine. She's okay. I closed my eyes to help concentrate on my breathing but it was a big mistake. The image of Rose was still there, like a scar on the inside of my eyes. I opened them wide again, quickly looking around the room to see if I'd woken anyone else up. I hadn't, luckily after too many incidents in fourth year we'd all agreed to use silencing charms around our beds at night. I looked over at the clock on the wall, 4:37AM it read. I dropped my head into my hands and let my body fall back into my bed. It was far too early for Rose to be up, I couldn't talk to or even check on her without arousing suspicion yet. I took a deep breath and removed my hands from my face making sure to stare directly above me at the canopy of material above my bed.

I thought of her. I thought of her safe and happy, smiling and laughing by the lake. I thought of her eyes, her smile, her hair, her smell, her laugh, her skin and slowly felt myself drifting off into a more peaceful oblivion. All the while, thinking of my Rose.

I woke late that morning; Al was shaking me awake and poking my face.

"Urghh... S'morning Al, leave me alone." I murmured, pulling my pillow over my face to shield myself from his attack.

"Exactly idiot, its breakfast time. Come on! Or all the muffins will be gone and you won't get to see dearest Rosie Posie before first lesson." He cooed, clearly looking for a reaction. I gave him one. I swung my pillow around and hit him straight in the face with it, knocking him slightly off balance.

"Shut up Al, you don't know anything." I grumbled, pulling my sheets over my head.

"And I REALLY hoped I wouldn't have to resort to this Scorp." he threatened dangerously. I peeked out of the corner of the sheets and saw him draw his wand.

"N- AAAAHHHHHHHH! Let me down! Let me down NOW!" I shouted whilst dangling upside down from my ankle around two feet from my bed.

"Then get up and come to breakfast with me." He smiled and I knew I'd never get back to sleep with him on my case. I nodded, and he let me fall head-first back on o my bed.

"Fine. I'm coming." I huffed, untangling myself from my bed and grabbing the first set of robes in my trunk. I pulled on my boxers, school shirt, trousers and tie before grabbing my robes and ruffling my hair with my free hand. "Ready your highness." I mocked, pretending to bow to my male best friend.

"Great, now come on. I wasn't joking about those muffins you know." He called over his shoulder as he started walking down the staircase towards the common room. I followed him, making sure to keep up a string of insults about rude friends who interrupt other peoples sleeping patterns. I heard him chuckle but I continued anyway. He walked into the nearly empty common room and I assumed most of our house must have already made their way down towards breakfast. I followed Al out of the portrait hole and quickly joined the stream of students, all looking equally as asleep as I felt, and entered the Great Hall.

I sat down next to Al opposite Rose as always. She looked tired. She had slightly darker shades of skin underneath her eyes that were barely detectable, but I knew her, she'd tried to charm them away. I raised my eyebrows but she just gave me a smile in return.

"Good Morning Al, what's up Scorp?" she nodded at her cousin and turned to me questioningly. I wasn't about to tell her how closely I paid attention to her beauty habits so I just shrugged and occupied my hands by spreading strawberry jam on a piece of warm toast. I stuffed it in my mouth, spraying crumbs all over the table and attempted to hide my laughter as Rose pretended to take cover behind her plate.  
"Watch where you're spraying," she scolded me, "you nearly got your sticky crumbs in my book!" she complained. Ah of course she was reading at breakfast, how utterly Rose of her.

"I'll try to be more careful next time then grumpy." I teased her, smirking. We'd be getting our schedules this morning and I knew she was just nervous about her OWL classes.

"You'll be fine you know." I said, barely looking up from my second slice of toast.

"Mmm..." she murmured and I knew she'd heard me. I glanced up at her and she had her eyes fixed onto her book again, holding an apple in her free hand. Her eyebrows where furrowed in concentration and she was chewing her bottom lip. I knew her well enough to guess that this was the only other response I'd get from her this morning. She was definitely nervous.

I occupied myself by grabbing another slice of toast and buttering it before stuffing it in my mouth like the previous two. I looked around the hall, trying to keep my crumbs away from Roses book, and looked at the faces of the rest of the students. I looked up towards the teachers table and noticed that all of them seemed to be wearing expressions similar to that of the pupils. I suppressed a laugh, thinking of how the faculty spent their evenings in the staffroom. I could just imagine McGonagall playing drinking games with Professor Longbottom and Hagrid until the early hours of the morning.

I turned my attention back to my own table as I noticed McGonagall getting up. This meant schedule time. I threw half a slice of toast at Roses head to get her attention and she looked up with such a shocked expression that I couldn't contain my laughter. Al joined in my hysterics at the sight of her too.

"Oh it must be so hilarious to see a girl with toast crumbs in their hair." She looked at me sarcastically, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Only when it's you Rosie, any other girl would've screamed and hexed us by now." Laughed Al, still unable to control himself. She looked irritated at this but I couldn't work out why. She gave us both a withering look and turned her eyes to McGonagall who was marching down the table, tapping pieces of parchment and handing them to students. Rose looked up hopefully and I smiled. Few girls could get away with being so interested in school and Quidditch whilst remaining unbelievably cute. I glanced up at McGonagall as she dropped a piece of parchment onto the table in front of me, almost causing it to become jam-covered. I picked it up and gazed at the lessons on it. I knew by now that Rose would be in all of my classes so it didn't really matter to me when we had them. First lesson was charms, not too bad. I placed my schedule in my pocket and made to stand up from the table.

"You coming Rose?" I asked, brushing the toast crumbs off my shirt.

"Huh? Oh right yeah, I'll be there in a second." I looked at her curiously; normally she would walk with me to our next lesson. She wasn't looking at me; instead she was looking down the table and blushing. She was looking at McLaggen. I felt a pain in my chest like someone was twisting a blade inside my ribcage. I turned and nearly ran out of the Great Hall, pushing a few second years rather harshly as I went. I didn't care. I had to get away from them; I couldn't stand to be around them. I ran back to the common room and up to my dormitory to grab my school bag. I surveyed the scene of my unmade bed with its sheets tangled into a messy heap and my pillow discarded on the floor and remembered how my nightmare had felt. It was nothing like this. This pain was worse, far worse.

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_Thank-you for reading - I'd love it if you could review and let me know what you think, or if there's anything you think I need to improve on, I'd LOVE to know, seriously I really would_ :)  
_Oh and also, I don't like the title I came up with for this chapter, if you can think of something better let me know... _

_Thanks._

_- Sarahh_


	7. Breaking

_I'm sorry for the late update; all will be explained at the end of the chapter..._

_Thank-you to those who added this story to their alerts and those who reviewed... I would list your names here but I can't access my e-mails at the moment._

_WARNING: this chapter is a little shorter than the previous ones... it's 4am here and I was rushing to finish it for you so my apologies._

_Read and review?_

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**Rose**

McLaggen was smiling at me, his mousy brown hair falling over his eyes as they watched me. I smiled back instinctively; a knee-jerk reaction. I could feel my face becoming warm and I knew that my cheeks would be flushed rosy pink. I wasn't used to this kind of male attention and it was already making me self-conscious. I pulled my school socks up under the desk even though I knew perfectly well that he couldn't see nor would he care what state my socks where in. How did people deal with this? I couldn't understand why I was even worried what I looked like at all, this year was doing strange things to me.

"You coming Rose?" I heard Scorpius ask. I refused to look at him, knowing that his angel-like face would be my undoing.

"Huh? Oh right yeah, I'll be there in a second." I feigned nonchalance and disinterest even though I was straining my ears to listen to his breathing. How pathetic I felt, I couldn't even look at Scorp anymore without feeling like the contents of my stomach had gone missing. I hated the effect he had on me, I hated how just listening to his breathing could calm me, I hated how his smile left me weak and I hated how he had no idea. I sighed slightly, listening to his footsteps as he hurried out of the hall.

I turned around to watch him when I was sure that he was nearing the door. He was almost running away. I felt my heart falter slightly in my chest; he was running away from me. Was I that repulsive? Did he really not want to be around me that much? The corners of my eyes began to sting causing me to blink rapidly, wiping the backs of my hands across my eyelids.

"Hey, are you alright Rose?" It was McLaggen. He was standing to my side next to the table, his face a picture of concern.

"Yeah I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I smiled up at him, pushing everything I could into holding that smile upon my face. His face easily slipped into a smile of his own making him look incredibly cute. He was a good-looking guy, everyone knew it. Half the girls in my year would love for McLaggen to smile at them like he was to me but I couldn't help the empty feeling in my chest. It wasn't right for me, it wasn't Scorp. I forced my smile even more; I was terrified that he's see right through my unimpressive act but luckily he didn't appear to notice. He seemed preoccupied.

"What's up David?" I asked, hoping my voice sounded normal but even I could detect a strange edge to it. I hoped his preoccupation stopped him from noticing too.

"Err... Nothing. I just... It doesn't matter." His smile slipped a little and his eyes seemed to crease in worry.

"Of course it matters, what's wrong?" I pushed, genuinely curious now even if I wasn't all that concerned.

"I was just erm... wondering if maybe... you wanted to come to Hogsmeade with me next this weekend? I know it's sudden and all, it's just that a friend of mine's band is playing at the Hogs Head and I thought you might be interested but if you're not it doesn't matter. Just forget I said anything." The words tumbled out of his mouth in a rush as his eyebrows seemed to furrow deeper into his brow and he twisted his hands in front of him. A surge of pity ran through me. He was so nervous it was almost heartbreaking.

I looked up at him properly. He was tall and muscular, a perfect balance of each. His skin had a smooth tan that accentuated his figure. His mousey brown hair just reached over his eyes in a perfect tangle of dishevelment. His jaw was hard but his face seemed soft somehow. It was probably his eyes. His eyes weren't perfect, they didn't sparkle the way I was sure Scorp's did and I didn't feel like I was losing myself in them; that I could see into his very soul... but they were still breathtakingly blue. They seemed to show exactly what he was feeling even if his face was trying to hide it. I looked into his eyes and hoped; I hoped that it would be enough, that the tiny insignificant piece of my heart that I could give him would be enough to save me.

It was incredibly selfish of me to think this way but I could see no other option. To any other girl David would be perfect; he was everything that a girl could dream of having. Any girl but me. My heart belonged to another and no amount of perceived perfection could hide that fact but I'd try. I'd do all I could to make myself enough for him. It was what he deserved; he deserved someone to love him for who he was, someone who wouldn't compare him to another. I couldn't be that girl straight away but I'd try. I watched his face as his expression gradually became even more concerned. I was taking too long with my answer and I knew it. I knew what I was going to say I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt wrong to betray my heart this way but there was nothing more I could do. Scorpius would never understand how I felt and I would be a fool to think that he might. My heart broke a little at this thought.

I composed my face into a small smile and I looked up into David's eyes with what I hoped was determination in my eyes.

"I'd love to." I answered, feeling my heart break in two at my betrayal.

"Great! I'll get you outside the front doors at 11 okay?" He grinned. All I could do was nod; I was terrified that if I tried to speak my voice would reveal everything I was trying so desperately to hide.

"We better get to class, I'll see you on Saturday." He smiled and walked out of the Great Hall.

I hated myself. I was such a horrible, terrible person. I was using him wasn't I? I couldn't fool myself, I knew how I felt about the both of them and this wasn't right. I sighed and stabbed a piece of toast viciously with my fork. I was the worst kind of person. I was using David to save my friendship with Scorp. I glared up at the enchanted ceiling as if it was the source of all my problems. The beautiful sunlight and enchanted blue sky seemed to anger me even more. How dare the weather be so cheerful when inside I was breaking. The sun broke free from behind a cloud, casting the room with a golden glow. For a moment everything looked perfect; every object and person in the Hall shone a glittered and then it was gone. As quickly as the moment of perfection had appeared it had disappeared. It reminded me of Scorpius. Five years we'd been best friends; five years it had taken me to realise my feelings for him; five years and it had ruined me.

The moment of shining glory when I truly realised that I was in love with him had been snatched away by the cruel reality of the situation. Gone as quickly as it had arrived, leaving me feeling empty and alone. I envied the sun. At least it knew that sooner or later it would break from behind another cloud and it would shine again. All I had was the cold harsh reality that the cloud covering me would never allow me to break free and shine from my heart.

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_Right... me again._

_I'm sorry for the delay in updating... I had my exams to finish and then my personal life all seemed to fall apart and I couldn't write. I was in one of those bad places where I just wanted to be alone with my books forever and not talk or do anything and it wasn't healthy. Thankfully I've snapped out of it with some help and I'm back_ :)

_Even though I'm borrowing my sisters laptop whilst she's asleep to write this and I'll be in serious trouble if she finds out_ :') _what's life without a little risk?_

_I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter... It needed to happen but I'm still unsure... Let me know what you think please?_

_As always, reviews are desired but not required, I'm not going to be whiney and insist that you must review but they do help_ :) _thanks for reading..._

_- Sarahh_


	8. Pretending

_Thank-you to bookworm118 for adding this story to their favourites, it means allot; _

_and to my best friend Dannii-Bum for her 'interesting' review_ :')_iloveyou lots, thank-you for being my best potter pal and for proof-reading this chapter_ :D

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**Scorpius**

The day passed in a blur, in fact the rest of the week did. I felt like I was only partly there. My brain hardly engaged with anything anymore, it was almost like I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I didn't register how I travelled around or who talked to me because all that was left to matter was her. She was all I could see.

In lessons I'd watch her. I'm sure she could feel my gaze but she never turned. She barely looked at me anymore and for that I was partly thankful. I didn't want to see her eyes. She was ripping me apart from the inside and she had no clue, she didn't even think or care. We hardly spoke anymore. We no longer sat together in the Great Hall, instead she had moved to sit next to McLaggen and I was left with the rest of our friends. They'd all asked me what was wrong and I'd given them all the same bland lie for an answer. 'Nothing. I'm fine, just a little tired'. They'd questioned it to begin with but given up when they still didn't receive a suitable answer. What was I supposed to tell them? I'm in love with the girl sat next to McLaggen and she doesn't seem to give one about me? I'm sure that would go down well.

It was still only the first week of school and already I felt like everything I knew was falling to pieces. I'd lost my friendship with Rose, that was apparent, and I had no idea why. Since breakfast on the first day of term something had changed. Not just the obvious of her dating McLaggen but something more. Never before had another guy come between our friendship and I'd been so sure that it never would. So how had we wound up like this? I couldn't understand but I didn't feel the need to ask Rose. I didn't know how I would even begin such a conversation. 'Hey Rose, just wondering about how we don't seem to even be friends anymore... what happened?'. I could see her reaction in my mind and it made me smile slightly. She would flush angrily and her eyes would seem like roaring sapphire fire. She'd grit her teeth and stare at me whilst clenching her fists. She was truly adorable when she was angry but I wasn't often on the receiving end.

Maybe she knew. Maybe she knew exactly how I felt about her and this was what she wanted. I felt my heart skip a beat and it made me feel nauseous. My chest felt heavy making me feel like I was drowning. I tried to ignore it and concentrate on something else. Quidditch perhaps? No, that only lead to memories of Rose and I practising Quidditch at my house in the summer. Those memories where tainted with a bitter taste in my mind now, like someone had poisoned them all. Maybe she'd known before I'd realised? Maybe it had all been an act this summer, a placating visit to keep up the pretence of a 'friendship'. I hated myself for thinking such thoughts but I couldn't get the possibility out of my head.

I sat at my usual seat at breakfast on Saturday, barely registering Al's presence beside me. Rose hadn't come down yet, I knew she loved to have a lie-in on a Saturday. Most days she'd be up bright and early but Saturdays where her exception. McLaggen was seated further down the table, chatting animatedly with his friends. I hoped that my gaze would cause him some form of physical pain but no such luck. He seemed just as happy and pleasant as before. I hated him. I don't use the word lightly either. I can honestly say that there are only about three people I truly hate in this world and they are Voldemort for what he did to the families of both the muggle and wizarding worlds, my Grandfather for his cruel mouth and even crueller heart and McLaggen for possessing all that I could ever desire.

I picked up my goblet of pumpkin juice and tried to distract myself by looking at the patterns the liquid made against the cool reflective metal. I could see my face. I looked a mess; I looked terrible. I watched my eyes widen at the sight. I had dark circles on my pale skin underneath my eyes from my lack of sleep and my eyes were bloodshot around the edges. My skin wasn't cream anymore; it had a greyish hue to it making me look anything but human. I felt human. I was appalled at the sight of me, it was true I hadn't looked in a mirror lately but I hadn't expected my inner anguish to be reflected quite so physically.

I pushed my goblet back onto the table with more force than necessary. It caused waves in the amber liquid and they spilled over the edges onto the oak table. I pulled out my wand to clean up but knocked over a pile of sausages in the process. I cursed my unusual clumsiness and darted quickly to stop them from rolling off of the table. I was in the middle of reaching along the table to grab the last few when someone sat down beside me. I recognised the smell before I even looked up. It was lavender and honey, vanilla and flowers; everything that smelt like home. It was Rose. I felt my entire body tense at her sudden proximity; one arm outstretched across her plate out of balance. I was lucky that I was a Quidditch player; otherwise I would have fallen straight over into her lap. I pulled my arm back slowly, being careful to avoid contact with her.

She giggled and picked up the stray sausages and dropped them on my plate carefully. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't even thank her. I didn't understand what was going on. In such a short space of time my world had gone from upside down to the right way up and I felt a little dizzy. What was she doing? Why was she sitting next to me when McLaggen had a space next to him that she so recently occupied?

"Scorp?" she asked tentatively, leaning forward to place an arm on the table. My heart nearly stopped beating I was sure. I didn't want to look up at her, knowing that one glance would have my world spinning again.

"Yeah?" I answered, unsure of how to proceed.

"Are you okay? You don't seem yourself and you look really ill...?" She said it like a question and I could imagine her eyebrows pulling together in concern but I refused to allow myself to look.

"Err... Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired." I repeated the placating lie, knowing full well she'd see right through it. Maybe that was what I wanted, her concern, her attention.

"Oh... If you're sure...?" She wasn't convinced and I couldn't blame her. She'd known me for four years, of course she was going to see straight through my lie but I didn't know what else to tell her.

"Mmm." I nodded, keeping my eyes on the table. I couldn't understand how our conversation had become so forced, watered down like we were mere acquaintances. I hated it but I didn't know what to say or do. I heard her sigh slightly and I felt like slapping myself in the face. Of course she was concerned about me, I was acting like an idiot and I was hurting her. I turned to face her, forcing my features into something I hoped would resemble a smile. She smiled back in response and I felt the weight I'd been carrying around all week lift slightly, leaving a small light-hearted gap in my stomach.

"Do you know when Quidditch trials are?" She asked, still smiling at me as she picked up a slice of toast and buttered it.

"Erm... some time next week I think, why?" I replied, knowing she would obviously be trying out for the team again. We had both been in it for the past three years together but it was still necessary for the captains to try out for the whole team every year.

"I want back on the team, duh. Oh and David wanted to know too." She said looking down at her plate refusing to make eye contact with me. Oh so it was _David_ now, not McLaggen. There it was again. The weight was back.

"Oh right, of course." I mumbled, staring straight ahead at the stone wall.

"Err... I have to go, David's meeting me at the front of School but I'll talk to you later okay?" She murmured as she got up from the table, toast still in hand. I could only just manage a curt nod as I continued to look straight ahead at the stone wall. I heard her walk behind me and leave.

She was doing it without even knowing. She was breaking my heart into tiny pieces every time I saw her these days. Why couldn't things be simple? I almost wished that things would go back to how they had been before my miraculous epiphany of love. Almost. I wouldn't trade my feelings for Rose but it killed me that she had no clue. Telling her wouldn't work, she'd be scared off and we'd never be able to fix our tattered friendship then. I looked up at the sky, it was a beautiful day. I sighed and got up from the table as my friends began to leave. Maybe Hogsmeade would brighten my spirits.

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_I know I promised the story was going to speed up... it did KINDA..._

_I'm working on it, but there are bits that I've already planned that I want to put in_ :) _if you have any suggestions just review/message me;_

_Thanks for reading again._

_- Sarahh x_


	9. Beginning

**Right, I'm going to start with my apologies. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long, I truly am. I've had problems in my life escalate and I've been unable to prevent any of it. No one needs to hear a ream of excuses but I promise that I'll try and make it up to those who've stuck with this – especially when I've not been sure that I can. When you want to write something and you have writers block it's the worst feeling D: and to top it off, the more I re-read this the more I dislike what I've already written but I'll see what I can do for now... Thanks for reading my mini-rant :')**

_So after spending 20 minutes compiling a 'writing playlist' of songs and a further half hour attempting to pull some form of plot for this story out of my head, this is all I have..._

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**Rose**

I walked as calmly as I could, afraid that he was watching me leave. It seemed the more I talked, the less we had left to say to each other. I pressed my eyes tightly shut as I walked through the doors of the Great Hall silently praying that everything between us would be okay even though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't be. I opened them again and felt them sting with the promise of tears. I blinked rapidly, attempting to clear them and probably looking like a fool. I quickly made my way towards the staircases to get back to my dorm, refusing to look at anyone around me.

I hated this. No, I despised this, I loathed this. There didn't seem to be a word to sum up my anger, grief and the feeling of pure abandonment that my situation had left me with. It was my own fault of course, there was no denying that I was to blame for what was happening, but what choice had I had? What else could I possibly have done? I felt the anger well up inside of me and I had to hit something. Turning to the stone wall next to me I pounded my fists into it in desperation. I wanted the burning fire in my knuckles to burn away every feeling I possessed. Blood started to form as I grazed my left hand against the cool stone so I swiftly wiped it away on the front of my jeans. My knees were failing me and my body seemed to slide to the floor against my wishes. I crumpled with my back against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to hold some part of me together. I succumbed to the part of my brain that was screaming and let the tears gather at the ends of my eyelashes.

I sat there for a while – thankful that it was a beautiful Saturday and that the majority of the school was outside in the grounds or already at Hogsmeade. I pulled the broken part of myself back inside and held my expression in the blankest way I could manage. After pulling my sleeve across my eyes and wiping the emotion that had escaped away, I pushed myself up from the floor and walked up to Common Room.

Everywhere was empty. I reached my dorm without seeing a single soul. The girls had left it in a mess but I didn't care. I sat down in front of my mirror and grabbed the first cosmetic that my hand found. Quickly applying a small amount of make-up and re-arranging my hair into something less me and more of the person I wanted to be, I looked at myself properly. I didn't look right, there was something wrong with the way my eyes appeared dull and my skin seemed worn. It had been a single week and already stress was manifesting itself upon my appearance. It felt right and wrong both at the same time. It was only fair that my emotions would wreak havoc on my appearance but it wasn't right the way everything was so raw and strong. The disadvantages of being a teenager in love – nothing was done by halves. I grabbed my bag and a stuffed my wand into it as opposed to its usual resting place of my jean pocket. I was already becoming late for David.

I jogged down the staircases hoping that 'fashionably late' applied to 15 minutes as well as 5. He was stood just outside the front doors looking out towards the lake. The way the morning sun hit his profile, you could tell that he had the potential to be a model. The sun highlighted his cheekbones and caused his tousled hair to cast shadows across them. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could appreciate him for everything that he truly was, I wanted to be the girl who'd see his beauty as instead of comparing it to others and I wanted to be the girl who could be happy with him. I shoved every little piece of Scorpius to a dark void in the back of my mind and willed it to stay there for as long as humanly possible. Every moment; every feeling of butterflies in my stomach; every smile; every laugh; every touch: every little piece of him, I shoved it away into the void and smiled at the welcome emptiness I felt in return. It wasn't a genuine Rose smile but it was enough for now. I tapped David on the shoulder, putting as much into a bubbly smile as I could and laughed at his immediate surprise at my appearance. He smiled back.

"You look really pretty Rose." He commented as he carefully took my hand in his and we began walking towards Hogsmeade. I looked down; flattered and self-conscious at his compliment.

"Thanks, you look rather dashing yourself." I joked, bumping his arm with my shoulder; he bumped me back and grinned.

"So where do you want to go to first, dear princess?" he grinned at me whilst mocking a formal voice. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and he laughed. It was a care-free laugh like something out of a classic romance movie and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Well how about we start at Honeydukes and work our way along the shops then we can go and have a drink in the Three Broomsticks?" he suggested, smiling down at me.

"Sounds good to me." I smiled back, already feeling my jaw ache with how he was genuinely making me smile and for once I didn't think about Scorpius. I let David lead me towards the already busy Honeydukes.

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**I know this is a short rubbish chapter but I needed a bit of a filler before I carry on... I should be updating once a week for a while now, but encouragement/kicking up the arse helps :)**

**Thank-you for bearing with me.**


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